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07 September 2006 @ 09:27 pm
Another fanfic. I'm just feeling the inspiration this week  
Title: Months
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle - General Series
Characters: Kurogane/Fai, soldiers in Yasha's army
Prompt: 009. Months
Word Count: 1,590
Rating: R
Summary: Fai counts the days til Mokona returns, striving to make a connection somewhere in this isolating world he's found himself in.
Author's Notes: Spoilers for Yama. If people really want to still count that as spoilerific.

I don't own anything.... I wish I did.... I have a very pretty Nataku wallscroll headed my way.

Big damn table here.

It had been a month. A month without the children; worse, a month without Mokona. A month of fighting all day, Kurogane was clearly in his element. A month of listening to men speak in a language he could not understand, though he understood the looks they gave him and the jealous glances they gave Kurogane. They all assumed he was the ninja’s whore, strong enough to hold his own on the battlefield, but dumb enough to do whatever Kurogane wanted him to do without any complaints, simply there to warm the darker man’s bed and body at nights. A few of the braver ones tried to see if Kurogane was willing to share, and Fai was grateful that the man cared enough to keep him from being violated, though the rest of the troops thought the defense was prompted by a fierce jealousy which only made them lust after the mage more. Thankfully, they stopped trying after Kurogane left a few of their best prominent bruises, but it never stopped them from wishing and secretly hoping Kurogane would be killed on the battlefield. Fai always took special care to watch Kurogane’s back since most of the other soldiers tended to leave him on his own.

An entire month of hell. He knew because he had been marking the days with a small knife on the center pole that supported their tent, crawling out of his bedroll after Kurogane had fallen asleep. He knew because there were thirty perfect little niches in the base of the pole. He crawled over to Kurogane’s bedroll and watched the sleeping ninja’s face peacefully for a few moments. He tried talking to him; he did that a lot, still often in the presence of the other soldiers which only strengthened their suspicions he was a complete idiot. He still persisted in trying to talk, hoping one day comprehension would cross the ninja’s stern face. After a few moments in which Fai tried to discuss the weather with Kurogane, the ninja groggily opened his eyes and stared blankly at him as Fai’s voice trailed off. He growled something in the language Fai didn’t understand, but with a dejected sigh, Fai slunk back to his bedroll, aware of Kurogane’s heated gaze on his back the entire way.

Two months, sixty perfect marks in the wood. His measuring system wasn’t perfect, but it was the only thing he had to count the days until the children and Mokona return, and he tried desperately not to think about what would happen if they never return. Kurogane tried to keep him involved at all times, but the other soldiers have learned to respect the ninja and include him in their evening activities. As Kurogane’s bed warmer, which he really wasn’t, but he could not tell them that without offering himself up as fair game for there pleasure, he did not exist. Some would not even look at him for fear of invoking Kurogane’s jealousy, and even if they did not fear, he still had no status among them, a ghost in their presence, lower than a woman. Even if he was clinging to Kurogane’s waist which he did sometimes when they were drunk and eyeing him in ways he did not appreciate, they still did not include him or offer him anything to drink.

He talked less now, only attempting to strike a conversation with Kurogane at nights, and only the occasional slip during the day.

Kurogane noticed the marks on the pole and raised an eyebrow suspiciously at Fai, unable to ask any other way if he was the cause. Fai merely smiled at him from where he was making repairs on his weapons in the corner. Kurogane simply walked away from it and went to his morning training.

Three months, and Fai had given up talking, but he refused to try to learn the native language outside a few, commonly used words because if he did that it would mean giving up hope. He needed to believe Mokona was coming back for them someday; the only way he would know was if he suddenly understood everything the people around him were saying.

He started to notice differences in Kurogane as well, because Kurogane was unwilling to leave him behind, and they were both changing as a result of the new status in their relationship. The way he sometimes caught him looking at him, heated eyes following his every move. He knew it was only a matter of time before Kurogane lost his last resolve. Fai found it perfectly reasonable in the situation they were in; almost every day they found themselves in circumstances that tended to have the side effect of leaving a man highly aroused. The tension would break a man somewhere. It was only natural to find release in someone you already knew, in this case someone who could not fight back. The men had already assumed Fai was filling that role anyway, and sometimes it got to the point where Fai began to wonder if that was his sole purpose for being in this world with Kurogane even though he had not yet been used in that way. Sometimes on drunken nights with the other soldiers, Kurogane would drape his arm heavily across his shoulders, and nobody commented on it because that was where they expected Fai to be, owned by Kurogane. Fai got the impression they wondered why Kurogane was still with them when he was one of the lucky ones who had something pretty to warm his bed. So he waited patiently until Kurogane decided he had ignored his need for long enough, sensing the day was soon.

It happened the one hundred and fifth day they were there, after a long day of actual battle, they stumbled into their tent, and Fai wasn’t surprised when he found himself being pushed onto Kurogane’s cot with the ninja soon following, tugging impatiently at his belt. And it was sweaty and messy and sticky and Fai didn’t care as, mewling with every sweet thrust, he clutched the broad shoulders closer to him as the man moved above him. And it didn’t matter if people heard them because they had probably wondered why they hadn’t heard anything before.

Fai was happy in a way because this was what he had been searching for, proof that he could still connect with somebody even if it was pure carnal bliss; it certainly was not rape and Kurogane made sure to stimulate him properly as well. The connection after so many months of isolation was exquisite, and he wrapped his long limbs tighter around the ninja.

Once satisfied, Kurogane collapsed on top of him, panting harshly. They were more of a mess now than they had been earlier, but Fai didn’t want to move to clean himself. He wanted to snuggle against the muscular chest as long as he was permitted, to keep that connection alive for as long as possible.

Four months and the nights at least were no longer unbearable as he had become a regular visitor to Kurogane’s cot. Kurogane’s bed-warmer, just like the soldiers always thought he had been. Except he was not doing it because he was dumb, and he liked to believe Kurogane was not doing it just for a warm body to fuck. There was something almost loving in the way Kurogane’s rough hands caressed him, expressing more than words ever could, and Fai knew a simple fuck did not need to involve kissing. Kurogane growled things to him while they were fucking, and even though Fai knew it was near impossible for the stoic ninja, he liked to imagine he was whispering sweet nothings to him. Then there was the sweet ecstasy of release, and Kurogane’s panting, gleaming body lying next to his was more than he ever could have hoped for in this lonely world.

Like every night before, once the ninja’s breathing seemed to indicate he was sleeping, Fai crawled out to make his niche in the pole. Naked, he made his way across the tent, shivering as the night air made contact with his sweat-slicked skin.

As soon as he finished making his mark, a large hand captured his wrist, and he turned his neck to see Kurogane kneeling behind him, a questioning look on his face. But he had not words to express what he was going through, no way to indicate how he was feeling. With a sigh, Kurogane wrapped his arm around Fai’s shoulders, pulling him close. Fai buried his face against Kurogane’s chest as the man’s hand tangled in his hair. The knife slipped uselessly from his fingers. He never marked the days on the pole again.

Five months. Fai knows because somebody else had taken to marking the days for him, the notches no longer small and delicate. Someone who had lately fallen into the habit of holding him unnecessarily close at nights. Five months and Fai is starting to learn bits and pieces of the language, asking Kuro-rin for lessons as he lay snuggled against his bare chest at nights.

Six months. A different world. The pole had long since deteriorated. Things were back to normal, or at least to how they were before they got separated. Which meant no more fucking because the kids were never far and they didn’t want to traumatize them. It was a decision they had reached together. Still, sometimes Fai would lie awake at nights and miss Kurogane’s strong arms around him, keeping him safe and wanted.

Reviews are nice. Fic arts are nice... Talking to me is nice.

Feel free to do any of the above.

And I've decided I need to make a post about what makes a Tsubasa fanfiction AU, because I feel some people just don't get it.
Current Location: College Court
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Glass Vase Cello Case
Ally.C: Tsubasa KuroFai Angstgacktyougirl on September 8th, 2006 03:08 am (UTC)
I'm not entirely sure why... but something about that fic made me just want to curl up and cry. It was wonderfully written as always, something I could see going along with the cannon.

Listneing to Kaze no Machi he isn't helping. ;_;
Ally.C: SM SereEndy <3gacktyougirl on September 8th, 2006 04:02 am (UTC)
Btw, I friended you. Hope you don't mine.
✩✩ vova loveroxal on September 8th, 2006 04:42 am (UTC)
Wow. Pretty. Sad as well =( Made me want to cry xP
(Anonymous) on September 8th, 2006 04:53 am (UTC)
Ok-We... Hm. I like the ending. I can't say I'm crazy about it because it was like a lovely waltz and then the storms came and crushed my dreams... The crushing feeling is wonderful. I should really be going to bed now... (yawns) I think the time where I'm at really helped (11PM.) (lazy smile)

What I think was the best about this, though, and I ahve to point it out lest I hit myself for not, is that it follows FAI. My God, everything in the Shurano arc follows Kurogane... Gah. So this was very pleasant.
RI☆T☆RDEDNESSria_chan on September 8th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
Oh damn. Sorry. I forgot to log in. (hits herself) You can now see what the night does to me, ney?
Annemieke T.M. Oosterling: Kazua_whisper_m on September 8th, 2006 08:04 am (UTC)
*curls up* I really love this. It's so....well I don't really have a word for it right now,(It's early!!) but it's positive ;P. Really positive ^_^
I'm going to reread this a lot.
sexy collarbones: Het - just say norain_of_mind on September 8th, 2006 08:47 am (UTC)
Oh that was so wonderful and bittersweet. ♥~*

Their 6 months in Yama are one of my favourite periods when it comes to fiction, because so much can have happened during that time. XD
anthology_on on September 8th, 2006 08:58 am (UTC)
Wow...it was bitter, yet nice and sweet. The touching bitterness made me want to cry a bit. Loved it again.
ユウイ: Kurogane/Faisnowaltz on September 8th, 2006 10:23 am (UTC)
I really like the way their relationship changed. And I always believe that Kuro-rin is a big softie when it comes to Fai, hee. Lovely fic!
ataraxistenceataraxistence on September 8th, 2006 12:53 pm (UTC)
*quiet squee of love*

I love the way you wrote this, the subtle progression of the time... the KuroFai! *joy* There was something so quiet and beautiful about this. The silence, because of the lack of language... *squees more* *incoherent from love*
j: Yay!hoggege on September 8th, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC)
Cute! I'm glad that you emphasised how Fai must be feeling at first, stuck in a world where he doesn't understand anything that's said and he can't be understood. I always thought that must have been very hard on him.
yaired on September 8th, 2006 04:11 pm (UTC)
Which meant no more fucking because the kids were never far and they didn’t want to traumatize them. It was a decision they had reached together. Still, sometimes Fai would lie awake at nights and miss Kurogane’s strong arms around him, keeping him safe and wanted.
So sad... but, but, is unfair! Damn kids! XD
BB: I am CLAMP's bitch fangirlthe_beanmaster on September 8th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC)
Lexi: adumi 2lexi_nyanko on September 8th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
Somehow this fic reminded me of "Connection"... Words are amazing, yet can confuse anyone if misused. Fai always tries to confuse Kuro a bit, just to avoid having to reveale anything about himself. Here it's kind of ironic: he has to stay/become quiet because he is not understood anyway. And that's when comes bodylanguage. Sometimes a glance can express more than words....And that shows in Fai's attitude in general: he keeps spitting nonsense, but never says anything that'd be trully meaningful, yet if one looks carefully, they can see right through his smile... Here he doesn't even have to try to devert conversations...and I love how you explained that in your own words. Also, often patience is the only way to get what you crave...and that's what Fai did, unlike in "Connections" - but that fic has also a lot of different meanings that I love to muse about...

I'm just in love with the melancholy mood about the whole fic. Amazing. Also love the simpleness about the structure of the text - you read it almost like a diary.

Brilliant yet again. <3 *gives you much candy*
Wrenfengtianshi on September 8th, 2006 10:45 pm (UTC)
Absolute love for this fic! The way you pictured time passing by is very suggestive and the ay you let us feel Fay's silent sadness is priceless! Hope I could express how much I love your fic!
momoko_shugimomoko_shugi on September 9th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC)
'Kay, first of all? I LOVE YOU. Second of all? I REALLY DO.
This is just pure beauty. I love it, I really, really do. It's so sad, but there's something about it that seems happy around the end. MOMO ISH PLEASED.
Melopsittacus undulatus: TRC - Kurogane/Fai (chibi)wetheril on September 9th, 2006 06:04 am (UTC)
Awww...OMG. ♥♥♥♥♥♥ I absolutely love this. Very bittersweet; this is how I hope things were in Yamano. I really enjoyed reading Kurogane's sweet and caring side. I guess it's because he's so often the gruff ninja, that when he shows his sweet side, it's just all the more endearing. ^__^

You make me want to draw something KuroFai, now if only I can get my lazy butt off to the pencil board. XD Since you said you'll dedicate a fic to me, I'll return the favor and dedicate an art to you. ♥
Redcrestredcrest on September 9th, 2006 06:10 am (UTC)
That was beautiful! Really, it was such a thoughtful and believable rendition of the things Fai, the chattiest person in the universe, must have felt as he silently waited out those six, long months in the Country of Yama. Somehow, the way Kurogane and Fai come together in this fic is a lot more realistic and in-character than most of the KuroFai fics I've read, especially because of how you connected Fai's enforced silence and the resulting, very obvious distance he has from everyone around him, with the distance he always keeps between himself and others, though less apparently so because of his overly genki facade. And it's so right that Kurogane would notice (he seems to be the only one in their little group who does... well, except for Mokona, somewhat), and it's very sweet to see the way he responds to try to include him and keep him connected. This fic was just my perfect cup of KuroFai tea~~ ^^ Please, please writer more KuroFai fanfiction! Great job! <3
(Anonymous) on September 9th, 2006 02:13 pm (UTC)
I totally agree with gacktyougirl. I just feel like crying, so BADLY. That was truly a beautiful piece. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a KuroFay. It IS my tsubasa OTP and I love them, but.. I don't know, it seems like KuroFay fanfictions doesn't appeal to me as much as it did in the beginning. But that was really worth my time. Best thing I've read for a long time too, actually. ....Oh, and I hate the Yasha clan. X3

Eleonoralumelle on October 19th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
Simply? I love it. *bows to your talent*
The Wolf's kat: Kiss To Tellwolfkat4 on March 11th, 2007 06:07 am (UTC)
not the usual smut fic I tend to like, but it was too well writen not to enjoy -^^-
✩ Lex: Hunny & Morisparkism on April 10th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Ah, that was so sad and sweet at the same time. ♥

...And sometimes I wish I could actually have something useful to say when I review things. xD
How did you find my secret lair? It's a SECRET!black_feenix on October 16th, 2007 12:34 pm (UTC)
-big teary eyes- that was a really beautiful story.
ah, smut and love. My favourite. -grins-
takara94takara94 on July 10th, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
Yup... It made me wanna cry too... And i don't even know why~ T.T
starfly_oceanstarfly_ocean on June 30th, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC)
This made me want to cry. It's so sad, and you wrote it beautifully. Kurogane and Fai are both very in-character. I'm not normally a big fan of smut, but you worked it in very naturally.
There were only two points that I would have changed, personally. First of all, the ending is kind of abrupt. Getting back together with the kids and Mokona was joyful, but there was no transition so I was still caught up in the sadness when I read it.
Second of all, with the way you wrote it, I feel like Kurogane would have tried to learn Fai's language. He may have failed, but with the way Kurogane is the only one who sees straight through Fai and how he tried to include him and just how much he cares, I think he would have tried to learn when Fai tried to talk to him. But that could just be me. It just seemed like something that he would do while I was reading this.
Even so, I love this. Your writing is amazing. A lot of people make Fai genki, even though that's just his mask. You portrayed a much more real/canon Fai. Besides that, just seeing this time from Fai's POV was really awesome.
Okay, long comment is finished. Great job. :)
thehimurarikuothehimurarikuo on August 2nd, 2012 06:12 pm (UTC)
At first I thought Kuro was trying to give Fai something else to think about - knowing how sad he was without their friends and unable to talk - not quite comfort-sex, maybe like slapping someone who is panicking.
But as I adore kurofai pairing I favour the'' always- wanted -you -never -been -able -to -let -you -know because -you -always -have -something -smart -to -say -and -make -fun -of -me -so -now -is -my oppportunity ''.....