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29 June 2006 @ 06:31 pm
Evercool's Birthday Fic  
Title: Connection
Fandom: Kurogane/Fai, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles
Prompt: Noncarebear readable for evercool's birthday
Rating: Hard R
Summary: Kurogane is frustrated by Fai's inability to connect.
Author's Notes: Written mostly after plays in London. I now pass this fic entirely into the hands of evercool. It is now your job to pimp if if you so desire or keep it entirely to yourself.

He was always clinging to people, forcing physical contact with others even if they didn’t want it. Smile, flirt, tell half truths, admitting no one inside, yet still pressuring for a connection. Always pulling away without having a serious conversation with anyone. No truth. No connection. A life of loneliness he pretended he wanted to end; however, any time someone would try to connect, he would flirt, smile, and waltz out of the situation. Finding inventive ways to keep others at a distance. The repetitive temptation to try to connect with the man.

Kurogane grew increasingly frustrated with the mage. One day he would be flirtatious and draped heavily across his arm, the next he would be distant and spacey and hardly acknowledging the ninja’s presence. His games were infuriating and sometimes Kurogane wanted nothing more than to rip that goofy grin off his face and see what was really lying inside his mind.

After leaving the last country, he had become even more flimsy, darting away from all questions Kurogane has asked since their arrival. They were alone for the moment, separated from the kids so that they could buy clothes and allow the children to rest for a bit. The white manjuu had since drifted off saying something along the lines of wanting to keep an eye on the children from a distance, and it would find them later. Yet on the way to find a store, the mage had once again skidded around any serious conversation. On the way back, he was even more distant, barely speaking two words to the ninja for the first several minutes.

Kurogane was wary and kept a close eye on the blonde. He was the one who suggested they make this excursion in the first place; therefore, Kurogane had expected him to be dangling off his arm, drawling about how glad he was that he and “Kuro-chan,” or possibly “Daddy,” were getting to spend alone time together. Then again, the mage was acting estranged recently, like he needed no one else in the universe. Kurogane just didn’t understand him, the walking paradox beside him that currently appeared to be deep in thought.

He had been like that ever since they had left the previous world, or perhaps it had started before then and Kurogane had just been too preoccupied to notice. Or maybe the magician was just now allowing him to see. He could never be really sure with the blonde. Still, it made him nervous, because there was no telling what the man may do now that he was being slightly serious.

“Kuro-sama, Tomoyo-hime is rather cute, isn’t she?” Kurogane stared at the man, not knowing what sort of response he was looking for. Besides, he saw no reason to even dignify the question with either an affirmation or denial. Especially when the man was staring blankly ahead with a different sort of smile plastered on his face. What concern was it of his as to how he felt about the appearance of Tomoyo? If the man was even thinking about making a move on her the next time they saw her…

“Ah!” he exclaimed suddenly, the happy smiling mask again taking possession as he began prodding Kurogane to the side.

“Oi, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked as he was roughly shoved into the nearest dark alleyway. Fai didn’t respond, just continued to push and prod until they were well within the confines of the shadows. He took the package of the kids’ clothes away from him and placed them on the ground. Kurogane tried to use the mage’s temporary distraction as an opportunity to slink back into the street, but the mage caught him and slammed him back against the wall with more force than the ninja thought was particularly necessary. He glared down at the man, wondering what he was planning on doing with a small twinge of anticipation he couldn’t contain.

The mage was kneeling in front of him, wearing a mischievous grin, but his eyes were somber. Some small part of his mind insisted his body knew perfectly well what the blonde was thinking about and was already responding appropriately before his mind could catch up. It was as if his body and mind were in a race to see which one could correctly analyze the man’s intentions first, and his body had already assumed it had won.

“Your princess may be pretty, but I doubt she would be willing to do something like this.” Pushing up Kurogane’s shirt, the man ran his hands along the bare skin of the ninja’s side and rested the side of his face against the front of his pants. There was no denying what the mage had in mind as long, soft fingers danced along his sides and back, caressing, stroking. His body rushed to get to the finish line before his conscious could catch up. “Especially in a place where you might get caught,” he finished with a pointed look to the busy street.

Kurogane followed the gaze, watching the people go waltzing by, always in pairs of at least two. As he watched, war raged inside his brain between the rational and the irrational. One argued that turning down a free blowjob would be an embarrassment and an insult to men everywhere. The other pointed out that there was a good chance they would get caught which would be embarrassing and an insult to men everywhere. The trouble was, he couldn’t really determine which side was the irrational and which one he shouldn’t listen to.

“Oh, well, I suppose that will make it all the more exciting for us, eh, Kuro-sama?” The mage had apparently made the decision for both of them, nimble fingers leaving his sides and making quick work of the fastenings on this world’s version of pants. The mage loosed a sigh against the ninja’s heated skin, and he shuddered. “Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll let you fuck me later.”

He thought the wizard might be slightly confused, making it sound like he was giving Kurogane some great privilege. He was the one who had shoved him into the alleyway and instantly dropped to his knees. If Fai was lucky, Kurogane might just give him that fuck he was obviously so desperately craving, but he didn’t see any reason why he should when the man was willing to take care of his need right then.

There was no more room for coherent thought as Fai had decided he had teased Kurogane enough and put his mouth to a much better use. He leaned his head back against the gritty wall, because, god, no man should ever be that good at something like that. He cast another furtive glance at the busy road; if someone caught him like this, he didn’t think he would be able to survive the humiliation. But people on the street walked heedless by, and Fai’s mouth soon coaxed forth a throaty moan. He tangled his fingers in the soft blonde strands, keeping the man in place.

He loosened his grip once his breathing returned to normal, and the man pulled away from him with a small toss of his head. The cool air felt refreshing against his sides after Fai pulled his hands away. “Well, Kuro-chan,” he said as he stood up, a self-satisfied smirk which countered the almost blank stare in his eyes. “We should be getting back to the children before they start to get worried about us.” He waltzed off by himself, leaving Kurogane to make himself look presentable again. He picked the clothes up and followed the lanky blonde as he danced back onto the street. He still wasn’t clear what was going on in the man’s head, but he figured he could worry about it later. Fai wouldn’t let him study him at the moment at any rate, so he couldn’t see the point in trying.


Kurogane had gotten increasingly irritated with the man as the night descended. He kept throwing suggestive glances at him while they had been discussing their next plan of action in the common room in full view of the children. Sakura either didn’t notice or couldn’t interpret correctly, but Syaoran was blushing profusely by the end of the evening and stammered his good night as he went back to his room. Sakura stayed for a few more minutes before she finally yawned, said her goodnights, and flitted from the room with the white manjuu safely enclosed her arms.

Fai stretched, drummed his fingers against the arm rest, and essentially did everything he could to pretend he was ignoring the ninja’s presence. He did not want to play this game, but he did want to know what the hell the man had been doing the past few days. If his earlier action was any indication, if he played the game, the mage would be the first one to cave. Perhaps he was planning on Kurogane to be apathetic though. He would never learn anything if he always followed the plan the other man laid out for him. If anything was ever going to change, he was going to have to instigate and throw the man off-guard. It was the only time he ever let his mask fall. He would join the other man’s game, but he wasn’t going to play by his rules.

Fai looked a bit startled when Kurogane stood and strode purposively across the room towards him. “You made a promise earlier, and you better intend on keeping it,” he growled, grabbing the man’s hair and pulling his head back. Fai seemed to be a bit frightened, but Kurogane soon crushed the other man’s lips beneath his. Kissing the man was easy in a way all other interaction with him was not. Responding eagerly, the mage wrapped his thin arms around the ninja’s shoulders, lips parting expectantly for the other’s probing tongue. A warm depth, and he pulled the other man’s body closer to his, exploring the recesses of the mouth he had enjoyed so much earlier. Long fingers moved to his neck, caressing smoothly. Why couldn’t everything be as simple as this, the heated moisture of their mouths melding together without conflict. He found himself wanting the body beneath him very much, to feel it moving against his.

The blonde’s hands deserted his neck, rushing down his chest. Before he could grab the thin wrists to stop them, he had thrust his hand into the ninja’s pants. With a growl, Kurogane pushed himself away from the enticing blonde and stalked from the room, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He refused to play the game the way the mage wanted to if only for the sake of keeping control over him. Besides, he still needed to determine what was going on in the man’s head. His need to make sense of the world was forcing him to study the man he had never wanted to do anything with. Unfortunately, participating in Fai’s game was the only way he could change the rules, the only way he would ever learn exactly what those rules were. As he shut his door behind him, he could hear the mage give a bitter laugh from where he had left him on the chair.


The next few days followed in a similar fashion. Time away from the children was spent in nearly intimate manners, but the damn mage always wanted to rush things, trying to completely forego the intimacy and foreplay and go straight to the sex. Every time Kurogane pushed him roughly away and left.

Four days passed in this strange new world. Four days of interrupted intimacy and pondered reasons as to why the blonde had chosen now to start a sexual relationship. He had had several opportunities before, like that one world when they had been away from the brats for six months or any of the times they had been forced to share a room. Was it because this world so full of magic painfully reminded him of his past and he was just trying to forget? Was it because he had finally worked up the nerve to do something and was now aiming for something more?

But that first day haunted him, the man’s references to Tomoyo before he knelt before him in that dark alley. How was she connected to the man’s behavior? They had just met a replica of her in the previous world. He would think Fai was jealous if he actually believed the man could feel such a way. But while it did explain the passing reference to Tomoyo, it did not explain the man’s current sexual desire. Besides, he had already accurately deduced that Kurogane did not have that kind of relationship with his princess.

So Kurogane continued to watch him and try to manipulate the game they were playing. Why the hell he just didn’t stop, he could not explain. He pushed more and more each day, waiting for the reaction that would explain everything. Or maybe nothing would ever be explained, and Kurogane would simply be left with the bitter aftertaste he would never be able to get rid of long after the man was gone. Never forget and his life would never be the same again.

Even at that time he hadn’t been sure if he was willing to risk losing it all, and after one night of pushing the man roughly aside, he snuck back into the common room to find him still sitting there, simply staring at the wall opposite. What went on in the man’s mind during those times, Kurogane desperately wanted to know, realizing he would never find out because he hardly expected the man to start a soliloquy. The mage didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence, yet Kurogane did not believe he was completely undetected.

He slid quietly across the room to stand behind him and cupped the other’s chin with his hand. “Why are you doing this to us, Kuro-tan?” he asked before slipping the ninja’s thumb into his mouth and sucking gently. Kurogane pulled his hand away and moved it to the security of the shoulder. Fai sighed. “I know you want this just as much as I do.” Looking into the man’s cold, clear azure gaze Kurogane could hardly believe he wanted it at all. At least, not what he was pretending he wanted. What he really wanted Kurogane was determined to discover. “You can’t deny the way your body speaks to mine.”

The only time he denied it was after he had retreated to his own room where he refused to accept the reaction his body had to the other man’s. If he ignored it long enough, it eventually went away. But every time the man’s mouth was anywhere on his body, the primitive part of his brain immediately sent him spiraling back to that day in the alley. Still he refused to give the man any satisfaction on his terms, even if it was simply that the damn wizard had gotten him aroused to the point where he could not ignore it.

He arched over the back of the couch and pulled the slightly stunned waif into his lap, clutching him tightly from behind. He ran his hand down the man’s chest, and he buried his face in the nape of his neck. He slipped his hand down the other man’s pants, the first time he had ventured so far, and Fai arched back against him. “Is this what you want?” he asked, punctuated with a few rough thrusts. “A quick, rough fuck that you can walk away from in the morning and pretend like it never happened?”

The blonde was too incoherent to reply properly, but Kurogane decided to take it as a yes. Considering the man had grabbed his wrist in a way that was obviously not meant to stop him but more to encourage or guide.

Kurogane shoved him to the other side of the couch from where the man stared back at him with hurt defiance and injured pride. “Sorry,” he told him flatly, “but I don’t do that with people I know. Especially those I have to continue to travel with.” He left him there before he had a chance to respond and before he had a chance to change his mind.

He leaned against the door after entering his own room, listening through the wall as Fai left the common room, presumably either to retreat to his own room or to take a cold shower.

Every other night Kurogane had successfully returned to his own room and ignored his desire. With a heavy sigh, his hand sought his straining arousal, and he cursed the day the mage had decided to initiate this twisted erotic game.

The following day, Fai refused to make eye contact with him, which was just fine by him. He could use a break from the man’s constant attentions. Besides, it would give him time to think with a head not dulled by sexual desire. He didn’t reach any good conclusions; somehow the mage was just as distracting silent as he was constantly chattering. A rather awkward silence filled the space between them, and the children exchanged worried glances. Sakura offered comforting words to Fai who waved them away with a smile and explained he had just been up late the night before.

Which he conveniently used as an excuse later in the evening to be the first to leave the common room and go to bed. Kurogane had not been looking forward to another encounter on the couch and apparently the mage hadn’t either. At least this way there would be no aching need to ignore before he could actually go to sleep. He could look at is as a cleverly disguised blessing. The kind he really didn’t want to receive but knew he should because it was supposedly good for him.

He went to his room only after the two children had retreated to their beds, not wanting to appears as weak as the mage had. He still wasn’t used to this world’s strange idea of a bed, and he hadn’t exactly had much time to think of it over the past few days, his thoughts having been filled with a certain blonde companion. Now he wondered how people could ever get used to such a thing. It was simply too comfortable. No one should ever have to live with something so comfortable.

Perhaps he had been too high strung for the past few days. Despite his misgivings, he was soon drifting off to sleep, dreaming visions of the man who was haunting him. Dreams involving the man sneaking into his room and crawling into his bed until he was securely straddling the ninja’s hips. He continued to believe it was a dream until warm lips pressed hesitantly against his. If it had been a dream, the man would have been much more sexually aggressive; as it was, it was easy for Kurogane to recognize it as reality because of how far it strayed from his expectations.

He pressed his mouth forcibly against the others and rolled them over so that the mage’s small body was beneath him. The man moaned low in his throat, but other than the few small noises he was making showed no other response to Kurogane’s feverish kisses. He only kissed him back when the kisses were directed at his mouth and even then he was mostly passive, reacting only enough to allow Kurogane greater access to his mouth. His hands gripped the sheets beneath him, yet showed no signs of reciprocating the caresses Kurogane’s calloused hands trailed along the mage’s clothed body.

Kurogane nibbled and sucked at the long neck bared before him, tangling his fingers in the man’s blonde hair, pulling his head back, exposing even more tantalizing skin for him to explore. “Are you going to fuck me tonight, Kuro-tan?” the man somehow managed to ask between gasps. “If I play your game, will you give me what I want?” Kurogane decided he much preferred the panting and moaning to the questioning. Still, he was frustrated knowing the man had caught on to his intentions and was merely pretending to play the role so that he could get what he wanted in the end.

Well, a submissive Fai was a submissive Fai, and the man though obviously still not wanting the mage’s intimacy was willing to endure it for getting the sex he craved. Besides, Kurogane knew he would never get anything better than this, not at this stage of their lives at any rate, so he graciously permitted it. However, the man’s complete lack of response was such an extreme opposite from what he had encountered earlier; he had been hoping to find some middle ground. His body craved the touch of those long fingers that had been teasing him for the past several days.

Feeling the clothes were getting too much in the way, he removed both their shirts and placed Fai’s hands on his arms before leaning down to continue ravishing the lithe body with his mouth. The mage seemed to have taken the hint that bare skin was free to be touched. Fingertips danced along Kurogane’s arms and back causing the ninja to growl and thrust against the man pinned beneath him. Some small part of him wanted to drag this out longer and torment the man more, but the lust filled portion of his brain argued he had been denied this pleasure for far too long and he was going to get what he wanted now. Neither one of them had really won their game, yet somehow they were both getting what they wanted. Somehow he didn’t think it should work that way. He quickly removed the rest of the man’s clothing and slid his hand between the pale thighs.

“Unh… Kuro-sama, not fair,” he moaned, fingers twisting in Kurogane’s waistband but doing nothing else to remove the pants he was currently viewing as an obstruction.

“I never said anything about me being fair.” He hovered over the other man who was gasping and moaning beneath him as the ninja’s fingers prepared him. “You’re the one who’s being unfair.” Fai resumed his look of hurt defiance and let his hands fall from the ninja’s sides. He looked like he was preparing one of his mocking replies. Before he had the chance to respond, Kurogane had removed the rest of his clothes, hoisted the mage’s legs around his hips and swiftly entered him, eliciting a small gasp instead of the speech the man had been preparing. “You’re the one who just wants to use me as your whore and then pretend like nothing happened.”

“No, that’s-“ He gasped and panted, unable to finish his statement and settling instead of wrapping his arms around the ninja’s neck.

He removed the man’s arms and pinned his wrists on the pillow above his head. “Then you want me to use you as my whore so you could hate me more in the morning.”

He broke free from the ninja’s grasp and launched himself at the other man, wrapping his long limbs around him. “No, I,” he began to whisper in Kurogane’s ear, but broke off into heavy panting, wrapping his legs tighter around the warrior’s waist.

Kurogane wasn’t willing to listen to the other man’s lies, but he was perfectly willing to be devoured by the other man’s warmth. He buried himself into it and resumed his interest in the mage’s neck. It was a false connection even then. With the mage’s limbs wrapped tightly around him and voice moaning various bastardizations of Kurogane’s name along with other things, it still felt like they were on two separate worlds.

When he finally pulled himself away from the mage’s warmth, the man attempted to roll out of Kurogane’s bed. The ninja stopped him before he could get too far and pulled the frail body firmly against his. A brief struggle ensued with the blonde waif attempting everything he could think of to get away. Each small movement caused Kurogane to tighten his grip and crush the man closer to him. Gradually the man stilled in his arms and the ninja relaxed, drifting off into the pleasantries of sex-induced slumber.

Fai began to shake in his arms, and Kurogane was unable to tell if he was laughing or crying.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
ECK: I've had better-Ashura was king in bedevercool on July 1st, 2006 02:50 am (UTC)

I AM GOING TO GO PIMP IT LIKE A WHORE NOW, since you left it up to me XDDDDDD

Oh you got my favorite kind of ending *__* *sparkle* The bittersweet kind that are angsty but not upsettingly depressing. And it didn't have a *FINAL* feel either, which means I can always hope they eventually figure each other out XDD *smacks Fai upside the head*

YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME. *huge hugs*

*scampers off to pimp*

E'kaekas on July 5th, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
^.^ I'm glad you liked it so much. Also glad taht I got your favorite type of ending as well.

*smacks Kurogane upside the head as well* He's not doing much of a better job at the whole communication issue.

Love you too~~~~~~~

Just keep making amusing icons and screencaps for my entertainment. XD
sexy collarbones: KuroFai - OTPrain_of_mind on July 1st, 2006 06:41 am (UTC)
Ho shit that was awesome!!!!

I have a problem dealing with angst at the moment with all the chapter 120 stuff, but damn, this goes into memories, stat!
E'ka: KuroFai Scarekas on July 5th, 2006 05:21 pm (UTC)
This was actually written before all the 120 angst stuff came out; I just have horrible timing when it comes to typing things.

Glad you enjoyed, and thanks for the comments!
Sozuki: Tsubasa Chronicle -- Skittlessozuki17 on July 1st, 2006 08:09 am (UTC)
This was wonderfully done! Is it too much to hope for a sequel? *hopes*

I love how you did Fai.... and Kurogane was fun to watch... XD
E'ka: KuroFai Scarekas on July 5th, 2006 05:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Maybe we'll get a sequel someday. Just as soon as I finish everything else I'm currently working.

Don't tell anyone about my planned FaiChi backstory! Huzzah! nonangst smut fic set in Yamano. Oh yes, it will come very soon. XD
Hysteric Glamourr_u_k_i_a on July 1st, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC)
memorizing as well! *gosh I'm a kuroxfye whore*

a very good piece of writing indeed :)
E'ka: Good Doggieekas on July 5th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Everybody's adding it to their memories. I should write birthday fics more often....

xueyxuey on July 1st, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
Simply bittersweet and excellently done~

*adds to memories*

Wrenfengtianshi on July 2nd, 2006 02:00 am (UTC)
Waahhh! That's awesome! I love this kind of relationship between them!
E'ka: KuroFyeWayekas on July 5th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I try to do my best. ^.^
TC loves planes ಠ_ಠ: TRC_Kurofai One True Dateshiome on July 2nd, 2006 11:56 pm (UTC)
OH SHIT this was SO GOOD, so Fai, and so heart-wrenching for my current self, unable to take angst. *memories*
E'kaekas on July 5th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you. ^.^

If it makes you feel better, my next planned smut fic involves no angst. But the other stories I'm currently working on all do.
TC loves planes ಠ_ಠ: TRC_Kurofai take me now!shiome on July 5th, 2006 08:02 pm (UTC)
When it comes to kurofai, or CLAMP in general, the angst always manages to sneak in. That's a non-written rule. X3
Still, yay for smut! 8D
E'kaekas on July 6th, 2006 12:57 am (UTC)
Bwaha... Is that a challenge to write a smut KuroFai fic that does not invovle angst?
TC loves planes ಠ_ಠ: TRC_Kurofai subtext!shiome on July 6th, 2006 01:08 am (UTC)
If that means you're going to accept it, then by all means consider it a challenge! 8D All for the sake of smut.
E'kaekas on July 6th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
Oh, of course. I'm always willing to accept a challenge. ^.^
How did you find my secret lair? It's a SECRET!black_feenix on October 16th, 2007 12:46 pm (UTC)
-sniffs- communicating your words properly is such a bitch ain't it. Poor Fai and Kurogane.
Good story btw! lol.
demi_rabbitdemi_rabbit on September 3rd, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC)
That. Was. So...I don't even know how to put it: cute, sweet, hawt, bitter, wonderful, awe-inspiring, tear-jerking or just too good for words (watching the actual show in the background makes it even sweeter/cuter/more bitter/ etc) and the ending was absoloutly perfect! Did you intend to leave it open for interpretation, cause if so, I think he was crying D8

But, yes! A wonderful example of literary genius!!! Many, many kudos and cookies!