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06 September 2007 @ 06:42 pm
2/3 Fiction entries tonight  
Title: Cherry Flavored Medicine
Author: [Unknown LJ tag]
Theme: 07. Cherry Flavor Medicine
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles
Pairing: Fai/Tomoyo
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or settings mentioned.
Warnings: Post-series. Contains very vague spoilers and since the series is not over, should automatically be thought of as AU. Contains references to past Kurogane/Fai and past Kurogane/Tomoyo.

“Welcome home, Fai-san.” The princess’ smile was cold and not at all welcoming. The woman he remembered being named Souma looked genuinely sad, eyes fixated on the floor glistening with unshed tears as she knelt next to the eloquent princess. The empress Kurogane had mentioned was no where to be seen, but then again, he had only mentioned her in passing. Tomoyo was standing in front of him, hands clasped politely in front of her. She was wearing a smile far too reminiscent of one of his own. A smile so fake he could tell how unwelcome his current presence really was. She was not there to welcome him home; she was there to mock him and all that he had taken from her and all that he had lost.

Nihon could never be his home. The land Kurogane had grown up in should have become his home when everything was done. But Nihon could never be his home now, not after everything that happened. He was supposed to be living there happily with Kurogane. They were supposed to have been in bliss for a very long time together, enjoying each other’s private company until nature finally reached its course and the both died of old age and tranquility. They had made an agreement; once the kids were safe, they were going to live only for each other. It was the unspoken promise they had made so long ago in Yama.

Souhi had never felt so heavy on his back before.

“We are honored to have you here in the loving memory of Kurogane.” Tomoyo was still giving him that cold smile Fai knew from experience could not have been genuine. He took a step closer to her and reached behind his back to feel the hilt of Kurogane’s trusted sword. He understood why she was being so cold towards him without her having to explain. She blamed him for Kurogane’s death.

Fai knelt down in front of Tomoyo and laid the sword between them. “I have brought Kurogane’s sword to be an honorable memorial for him.” Fai reached out to touch the sword and noticed Tomoyo did the same. Kurogane had only ever protected him and his new family with that sword. Souhi had never served in defense of Tomoyo. They sat on either side of Souhi, each blaming the other for their shared tragedy. They were united in their disregard of each other, focusing on the one they had once both loved.

The two could forget each other’s presence when they were lost in memories of Kurogane. When they had each been with him, the other had simply not existed. Except it had never been that way for Kurogane. For Kurogane, they had both always been there. Fai was starting to realize as he looked at the perfect princess, he was not willing to share, not even if Kurogane would have wanted it that way. He did not want to think they had both been in Kurogane’s heart at the same time.

“It is truly a shame that Kurogane never had the opportunity to return home.” Tomoyo was not looking at him, and Fai knew why. She thought it was his fault that Kurogane had not returned to her. She blamed him for Kurogane’s death. Maybe she was right, and Kurogane’s death was his fault. If Kurogane had not been trying to protect him, he would still be alive. Kurogane would have lead a full and healthy life if the two of them had never met.

Still, he stared at Tomoyo across the sword as she stroked the hilt. Tomoyo had been the one to send Kurogane from Nihon in the first place. If she had not sent the ninja away, he would have not met Fai. She was the one who had enabled them to meet, probably knowing full well what the consequences would be. She had been the one to ruin everything for the two of them. Kurogane might have stood a chance had it not been for her interference. He tried to conceal his anger behind a smile as fake and as cold as the princess’.

“You must be tired from your journey, Fai-san. I suppose you would like to rest in Kurogane’s old room.”

Fai could tell Tomoyo would prefer if he was not there at all, but Kurogane would want him to be there. The ninja had requested that Fai went back to Nihon in his stead and tell Tomoyo everything that had happened. Only together could he and Tomoyo fully preserve the memory of the Kurogane. “That will be just fine.” Kurogane’s room would have been his anyway had things gone according to plan. He was starting to learn that the way things should be were rarely the way things turned out, especially for him.

“Souma, please show our honored guest to Kurogane’s old room.” The princess would not grant him the honor of escorting him herself.

He left Tomoyo with Souhi and followed Souma through the halls of the palace. Kurogane had once stalked those corridors as he valiantly guarded his former princess. His feet had touched the same wood he was walking on.

“This will be your room, Fai-san,” Souma informed him after opening the door and showing him inside. “Hime has left it exactly as it was when Kurogane left.”

Fai could smell the ninja’s scent in the room before he even stepped inside. The smell was overpowering, as strong as it had been when Fai had been lying in his arms, and for a moment, Fai felt his eyes filling with yet more unshed tears. “Thank you, Souma. I would prefer to be alone right now.”

Souma shut the door behind her, leaving Fai alone with overpowering memories of Kurogane. He collapsed facedown on the futon where Kurogane had slept, perhaps with someone, more likely by himself. Kurogane had slept on that bed. Kurogane’s skin had caressed the same sheets he was currently lying on.

Fai pushed himself away and began wrenching off his clothes, throwing them in a pile on the floor, briefly wondering whether or not Kurogane had worn clothes to bed. Once all the clothes had been discarded, he fell back onto the futon, pulling the blanket around him like a lover’s embrace. He could feel Kurogane beside him, holding him close like he used to. “Kuro-sama…” For the first time in a very long while, he felt like he would finally be able to sleep well at night.

Within an hour, he heard someone outside the door, and he wearily opened his eyes. Whoever it was simply stood outside for a few minutes before walking away. Kurogane’s memories could give him no answer, so Fai simply went back to sleep.

Rain was falling when he woke up the next morning. He heard it before he stepped out of the room. When he finally did decide to step outside because simply lying in Kurogane’s bed was far too painful, he saw it was a heavy rain that blanketed the country in a dull gray mist. He missed Sakura’s warm smile, Syaoran’s blushing, Mokona’s cheerful attitude. Standing there watching the rain, he was painfully reminded of all the things he had lost or given up.

He missed Kurogane. The lack of the stoic ninja created a gaping hole in his life he knew could never be filled. Staying with the children would have only made things worse.

He had nothing to do but to stand there and remember. No one offered to talk to him or show him around. No one probably knew exactly why he was in their country, except for Tomoyo who wanted nothing to do with him. On the rare occasions he and Tomoyo were forced to interact, they would look at each other with thinly veiled disgust and blame. No one in the palace seemed to notice the tension between the two of them, and none could have ever guessed why. They forced pleasantries when they were with each other, but without Kurogane, they never could be the friends they should have been.

Every night, Fai would collapse naked into Kurogane’s futon, often imagining that his lover was still with him, touching himself and imagining it was Kurogane’s hand. If he closed his eyes and applied just the right amount of pressure, he could almost trick himself into believing that Kurogane was still alive. Every night, someone would come and stand outside of Kurogane’s door. Fai would lie awake and listen to whoever it was until they left. Sometimes the person would only stay for a moment, sometimes much longer. One evening he felt like they had stayed for well over an hour while he whimpered Kurogane’s name as he touched himself, not caring that the person outside the thin door could hear him. Not a single night passed that his nighttime partner did not stand outside and listen.

During the days, Fai would sit and watch the rain that did not seem to be stopping. Perhaps the weather was meant to reflect the mood of the princess. He and Tomoyo avoided each other at those times; they had nothing to say to each other.

After he had been in Nihon for a little less than a month, his nighttime visitor started coming into his room every night. Princess Tomoyo would slip quietly into the room, gently cross the floor and drop into the futon next to him. Together they could share with each other how they had loved Kurogane. There were no personal feelings between the two of them except the love they both had shared for the ninja. Once they were finished, Tomoyo would leave without a word, and the next day they would continue to hide their dislike of each other with fake smiles.

During the day, they continue to blame each other for Kurogane’s death, but at night when they came together, it was like cherry flavored medicine.

Also, a question for my flist. Would you find it useful if I had a sticky post with the list of all my fanfiction in addition to the website? (Which we are indeed aware is in need of an update)
(Deleted comment)
E'ka: Fai's Had Betterekas on September 7th, 2007 04:37 pm (UTC)
*cheers* You have no idea how happy it makes me to learn someone has read this, let alone actually enjoyed it.

I thought it would make an interesting change from how Tomoyo and Fai would normally interact. *pictures Tomoyo dressing up Fai and trying to force Kurogane to kiss him*

As for the minor correction, it's a perfect example of how the really tiny mistakes can slip right under your nose. Especially since f and t look similar.

Again, thank you for reading. *hugs*
Lexi: Fai - better not do this...lexi_nyanko on September 7th, 2007 08:41 am (UTC)
;_________; *sniffles* beautiful...such a painful way of forgetting for at least a little while...*feels for Fai and Tomoyo*

Loved it~ <3
youkohiei_fan: i don't wanna close my eyesyoukohiei_fan on September 18th, 2007 02:55 am (UTC)
Wow as always. I'm beginning to like angst fic's more and more because people are coming uout with such good ones, like this. ^^
ariadnechanariadnechan on September 21st, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
i love it!!!
the blame, the smell wow the weather i love it!!!!

i miss Kurogane too i'm going to read other where they are together or i'll gonna cry!!!