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25 May 2007 @ 09:28 pm
Fanfiction and art!  
Title: Gravity of Love
Author: ekas
Artist: lexi_nyanko
Theme: #19, I Won't Let You Fall Apart
Fandom: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Focus: Kurogane/Fai
Rating: M
Summary: AU While Kurogane is recovering in Nihon from injuries received in Celes, Fai continues to question his feelings for him. Spoilers through 153.

Remember to praise Lexi for her beautiful rendition of the fic featured at the end.



Fay was outside in the pouring rain. Not because he was felt the weather was appropriate to his mood or because he felt like he deserved no better, but because the thought of being inside was too unbearable. He didn’t mind the rain drenching through the clothes Tomoyo-hime had given him, because Kurogane was just inside from where he was crouching. He could not stand the thought of being in the same room as the man, yet he did not want to go too far. Syaoran and Mokona were staying elsewhere in the palace, and they came several times daily to check on the ninja, but every time Tomoyo sadly turned them away. The rain fell from Fay’s hair almost as quickly as it fell from the sky, but he remained perfectly still, unable to go back inside to where Kurogane was, unable to go further away should Kurogane wake up. They had been in Nihon for five days and Kurogane had yet to regain consciousness, had yet to learn what Tomoyo had told them after she had first tended to Kurogane’s injuries. Kurogane would find out when he regained consciousness which was why Fay wanted to stay close by. It was his fault Kurogane had been so grievously injured; the least he could do was be there for him on the odd chance the ninja wanted him when he woke up. Kurogane would not know whether or not they had all made it safely away from Celes, and if he could not see Fay, there was no way Fay could predict how he would react. He hadn’t known Kurogane would act the way he had in Celes and now… With his one eye, he watched the rain. With what had happened to Kurogane, he realized he couldn’t completely deny his feelings for the other man; however, that didn’t mean he was fully ready to accept them either. All he could do now was sit in the rain and wait for Kurogane to wake up. The ninja might very well hate him once he found out what happened.

He raised his head and looked towards the gray sky when he heard what sounded like yells coming from inside. He did not turn to go in quite yet, even when the cry started to sound suspiciously like his name. He stood up when the cries got louder at the opening of the door, definitely hearing his own name mixed in there. Still, he hesitated, even though the cries sounded rather desperate. He realized out there in the rain that it was the first time he had ever heard Kurogane afraid which made him want to stay where he was even more. “Fay-san…” He turned around slowly to face Tomoyo in the doorway. Behind her, he could dimly see Kurogane on the ground, Souma trying to keep him down. “He’s calling for you.” So that was his name he heard, sounding so foreign in Kurogane’s voice, and he unconsciously took a step forward. “Fay-san,” Tomoyo stopped him before he made it inside. “I know this is difficult for you, but if he wants to hold you, please allow him to. It’s all he has right now.”

He hesitated for a moment longer, until Kurogane called his name again in a pitiful wail. With a brief nod, he made his way into the room and knelt on the floor beside the ninja who was struggling to get out of Souma’s hold. He had known about this, but he realized as he sat silent by Kurgoane’s side while the ninja struggled to get up and continued to call his name, that he had not been prepared for this. He had not been prepared for the bandages around the ninja’s chest or the ones around his eyes. He had not been prepared for the ninja to be completely unaware of his silent presence beside him. The impact of finally seeing what had happened to Kurogane left him unable to act, even though Souma was waiting for him and he knew Tomoyo was watching him again from the doorway. As Kurogane started to call his name again, he reached over to grab the ninja’s hand.

“Kurogane.”

The ninja stilled at the sound of his voice and allowed Souma to gently push him back down to the futon. He let go of the ninja’s hand now that he was aware that he was there. “You’ll be okay,” Fay tried to reassure him, but his throat felt thick with guilt. He was surprised when he felt something touch the left side of his face, and he placed one hand on Kurogane’s wrist, torn between pulling the hand away or pushing it closer. He could feel Kurogane’s fingers trailing across the edge of the eyepatch, perhaps in an effort to make sure it was really Fay sitting next to him, before moving his hand back into Fay’s hair.

“You’re soaking wet,” he remarked, trailing Fay’s unbound hair through his fingers.

“It’s raining outside.”

Taking Tomoyo’s advice, Fay did not protest when Kurogane’s arm suddenly wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him down against his chest. As Fay stayed perfectly still, listening to the ninja’s heartbeat, Kurogane buried one hand in Fay’s wet hair, stroking it gently and his other arm wrapped around the lithe body, pulling him closer. He allowed himself to be practically groped as Kurogane’s hand ran blindly up and down his body. Tomoyo was right: Kurogane needed this. It was the only reassurance the ninja had that Fay was still alive and was still there. He closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet smell of the herbs used to treat the ninja’s wounds.

“Tomoyo-hime, we shouldn’t let Kurogane get wet,” he heard Souma from somewhere across the room. It seemed to him like he and Kurogane were in a room all of their own, Tomoyo and Souma and the other women who had been tending to the ninja were quite somewhere else, and he wondered if the ninja felt the same. He was probably unaware that there was more than the four of them present.

“Get both of them dry clothes,” he heard Tomoyo order and someone exiting the room. He opened his eye as Tomoyo knelt down on the other side of Kurogane and placed her hand gently on the ninja’s arm. “Kurogane, I have to tell you a few things,” she told him softly, and Kurogane’s roaming hand stilled on his body. “You have suffered a serious injury, and we are doing our best to take care of you, but we need you to cooperate and stay still for a while.”

Fay knew inactivity would not suit Kurogane very well; somebody was going to have to watch him to make sure he did not move around too much. Someone Kurogane would actually listen to. “Why do I have bandages around my eyes?” Fay held his breath in Kurogane’s arms.

“Some type of magic has blinded you in both eyes.” Fay wanted to leave as he felt Kurogane’s body go slack under him, but the ninja showed no signs of loosening his grip. He thought maybe perhaps Kurogane was taking the situation a little too calmly. But, perhaps that information affected him very little after the joy of knowing that Fay was still alive, but Fay did not want to think about that possibility so he blanked his mind again. “We are going to take good care of you for as long as we can.”

He could feel the question in Kurogane’s hand with the way it was touching his hair, asking him if he was still going to be there or if Fay was just going to leave him. If the ninja did not mind his presence, Fay did not see how it was possibly for him to leave him when he was in such a helpless position. Blinded, injured, and weakened by Tomoyo’s curse. He could hear the man’s labored breathing under his head and knew it was going to be a painful road to recovery for both of them. He could no longer deny the feelings that arose when he thought of the ninja, but he still tried to fight them. If anything, the incident had proven to him that he had gotten closer than he ever intended.

Just as he was contemplating breaking Kurogane’s heart by pushing himself away, the girl Tomoyo had sent to get them fresh clothes returned. “Kurogane, could you please release Fay-san for a moment so we can get both of you into dry clothes?” Kurogane’s hold slackened, and Fay pushed himself away to accept a towel to dry his hair with. As he towel-dried his hair, he watched as Kurogane swatted Souma’s hands away with a low growl when she went to untie his clothes. “Kurogane, we need to put you in dry clothes,” Tomoyo insisted. Fay handed the towel back to the attendant and took the new clothes from her.

“I don’t want the two of you doing this or seeing this.” Fay tried not to smile at the ninja’s final attempts to protect what little remained of his modesty and dignity.

“Fay-san,” the princess commanded as he finished tying on the new clothes, “would you assist us by changing Kurogane’s clothes? Is that acceptable to you, Kurogane?” The ninja did not answer her, but he also did not struggle when Fay’s hands started working on the knot.

“Did the two of them turn around?” Kurogane asked as Fay pushed the robe open. They hadn’t, but they did then to humor the ninja.

“Yes, they did, Kurogane.” He tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest when he saw the full extent of the bandages around his torso. “I’m the only one who can see you.” He rolled the ninja onto his stomach so he could pull the robe off of him. For the first time, he saw glimpses of the scars inflicted by his own magic during Kurogane’s first sacrifice for him. He had to exert a strong amount of will power to prevent any emotion showing then. Part of him wanted to lean down and kiss the scars in gratitude while another part wanted to scold Kurogane and push the ninja further away. He quickly handed the wet robe to the girl and slid the new one on so he no longer had to see the edges of those scars. He gently rolled Kurogane onto his back and pulled the robe close, retying it quickly. He wanted to get away, unable to see Kurogane so helpless for a moment longer, unable to deal with his own guilt.

As he was standing to leave though, Kurogane’s arms snaked around his waist and pulled him back down to the ninja’s chest. He weakly tried to push himself back up, but after seeing only the tip of the scars, he was unwilling to break Kurogane’s heart by breaking away.

“We will leave you now in order for you to rest if Fay-san is willing to take care of you,” the princess told them, but Fay was unsure if the ninja had heard her as his hand trailed up and down his back, the other burying back into his hair.

“I’ll look after him,” Fay whispered as he closed his eyes, determining the statement was directed more at him than the helpless ninja. Tomoyo indicated that the other healers who had previously tended the ninja were free to leave. Kurogane was still going to need constant supervision, but Fay thought he could handle it by himself for at least a few hours.

The rise and fall of Kurogane’s chest was falling into the gentle rhythm of sleep which was a welcome change from the state of half-dead consciousness that Fay knew he had been in for the past few days. He wanted to leave; he did not want to smell the herbs that had been used to treat Kurogane’s wounds that Fay knew were going to keep him awake through the entire night. Night had not even visited them yet, but with Kurogane’s injuries, Fay knew that the ninja would not wake again until at least the following morning. He did not want to be there with his nose pressed against the cloth of the robe he had just had to put on the helpless ninja. But, in light of what Kurogane had done for him out of sheer devotion to him, he found it a very small sacrifice to allow Kurogane to hold him through the night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He was still trapped within the crook of Kurogane’s arm when he was woken from his restless slumber by two of the healers entering the room. He opened his eyes to watch them, but did not stir for fear of waking Kurogane who needed sleep to recover his strength. One of the healers had a tray with a single bowl on it that she set down on the other side of Kurogane. He lifted his head just enough to see the contents of the bowl. “Tomoyo-hime requests that you feed Kurogane soon,” the woman told him as she continued to kneel.

“He’s not awake yet,” he said with the implication that he had no desire to wake him.

“Tomoyo-hime said to tell you since he does not have the capability to eat solid foods he should continue to be given substance on a regular schedule until he regains his strength.”

“Is that what the healers were doing when they kept coming in here?” He remembered several times they had come in and sat where she was, but given Kurogane’s condition he had not given them much thought.

“Tomoyo-hime has been making sure he gets nutrition ever three hours.” The other healer placed a cloth down on the tray next to the bowl. “She thought she would give you the opportunity for you to feed him yourself.”

“I’ll do it,” he agreed, pulling slightly away from the sleeping ninja. He showed no sign of realizing that Fay was pulling away from him. He did not see Kurogane’s fingers twitch as he moved around to the other side. First, it was dressing Kurogane and now he had to feed him something that was not even food at all, but some type of thick liquid. The healer rose to her feet as he sat down next to the tray.

“I am sorry, but Princess Tomoyo did not instruct us in what type of breakfast to bring you.”

At least Kurogane did not look in as much pain as he had just a few days ago, Fay mused as his fingers lightly touched the cloth. “I’m sure she’ll take care of it later.” He knew Kurogane had needed something while he was unconscious, and he still didn’t have the strength to remain conscious for long, but he couldn’t bring himself to accept it like this. He did not notice when the healers left him while he watched Kurogane’s sleeping face. He finally made up his mind that the best he could do was to make sure Kurogane ate what little he could in his condition, and he dipped the cloth into the bowl. The bandages around Kurogane’s head pained him every time he looked at the ninja.

“I can’t do this.” He dropped the cloth back into the bowl.

“Fay-san.” He looked up from Kurogane to see his princess standing in the entryway. “I just wanted to let you know I’ll inform you the moment Kurogane is strong enough to feed you; I just have to ask you to wait a little bit longer in the best interests of Kurogane.”

“I understand.” He looked so broken lying there, and he almost wanted to run his hand through the ninja’s hair, knowing he would never be able to feed from him when he looked like that.

“Fay-san, how are you feeling? Would you like me to call someone else to feed Kurogane? I understand that it may be painful for you.”

“No. I’ll do it.” Trying to keep his hand from shaking, he pulled the cloth back out of the bowl and gently stuck the corner in Kurogane’s mouth. At least he seemed to be responsive to that if nothing else, but Fay wondered how much of that was due to the constant repetition of the action. “He used to always yell at me when I tried to feed him,” he said as he pulled the cloth away and dipped it back into the liquid.

“He won’t be like this forever.” Under Tomoyo’s watchful gaze, he pulled the cloth back out and repeated the motion from earlier. “Besides, if he has such a diligent caretaker as yourself then I’m sure we’ll see improvement every day.” He did not mind the princess staying there while he was feeding Kurogane; he knew if somebody was not watching him, there was the possibility he would give up. With someone there watching, he felt the urge to prove that he was strong enough for both him and Kurogane.

Eventually, the ninja stopped responding and Fay looked sadly down at the amount of liquid left in the bowl. “It’s alright, Fay-san. He’ll eat again in a few hours.” If Tomoyo believed Kurogane was going to get better, he would have to trust her. He wanted nothing more than to believe her, but looking down at Kurogane’s bandaged eyes he did not see how that was possible. “You do not have to stay by his side when he is unconscious. Just please stay close enough by so that you can respond quickly if he wakes up and wants you.”

Now that Kurogane would have had time to process the information, Fay did not believe Kurogane would still want him around when he woke up. He was still waiting for the ninja’s complete rejection of him.

“I’ll be fine,” he responded softly, picking up Kurogane’s hand so he would know Fay was still right there when he woke up. After that, he would abide by the ninja’s wishes to leave him alone. Fay was unaware how long Tomoyo lingered, watching him as he gently caressed the back of Kurogane’s hand with his thumb.

All he knew was she was gone by the time Kurogane woke up, evidenced by him turning his face in Fay’s direction. “You’re still here.”

Fay nodded as he loosened his grip on Kurogane’s hand before he remembered the ninja could not see him. “Yes. Tomoyo thought you might want me here again when you woke up.”

Kurogane’s questioning hand cupped the side of his face. “Don’t try to run away from me ever again.” Fay placed both his hands over Kurogane’s and allowed his head against the man’s large palm. He could feel the man’s fingertips caressing him gently. He thought he deserved rejection, and he was tempted to pull Kurogane’s hand away, but his body betrayed him and kept the hand closer. “Are you hungry”?”

“Tomoyo said I should wait a few more days.”

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“I’m fine, Kurogane. Please don’t worry about me. Concentrate on regaining your own strength.” Kurogane dropped his hand, and Fay let it slide from underneath his. The ninja’s hand landed on his thigh, and he showed no signs of moving it elsewhere. “I’m not going to go anywhere, Kurogane.”

“I just want some reassurance that you’re still here.”

Fay spent all of his nights and a good portion of the day wrapped in Kurogane’s arms because the ninja was still delusional and reluctant to let him go. When his entire body was not being held, his hand or thigh normally had Kurogane’s hand resting on it. Knowing Kurogane would hate being seen in such a weakened state, he became the ninja’s primary caretaker, feeding him and changing his bandages. Within another week, Kurogane was conscious for the majority of the daylight hours. In some ways, it made Fay feel worse for him because there was nothing for him to do while he was conscious. Fay had taking to telling him stories of his own life and Celesian folklore when the ninja was awake.

He was starting to get hungry. He spoke about his need to Tomoyo while Kurogane was sleeping, and the next day she deemed Kurogane healthy enough to provide Fay with a light snack.

“Kurogane, I’m hungry too,” Fay told him one evening after he had just finished feeding the ninja. He wondered how he was going to feed; Kurogane no longer had the capabilities to cut his wrist for him.

“Can you bite?” Kurogane asked as if he had been reading his thoughts.

Fay picked up Kurogane’s arms and turned it over to expose the tender side of his wrist. His teeth had gotten sharper so he should be able to bite. He stared at the scarred skin for a moment longer before lowering his mouth and sinking his teeth into the tender skin. It was different; less messy and the initial taste was warmer. Better. Kurogane lay perfectly still as Fay ate, and soon Fay was pulling away and licking the ninja’s wrist to heal the wounds before placing the ninja’s arm down by his side.

“Are you sure that’s enough?”

He was afraid any more would push Kurogane back in his healing process. “It’s enough for now, Kurogane.”

“Stop calling me that,” Kurogane growled and Fay felt his new blood go cold. “If you can pretend to let me hold you, you can pretend to call me by those silly names.”

“Alright, Kuro-sama.” He could not understand why Kurogane was so insistent about his staying if he truly believed that Fay was only pretending to allow himself to be held. Kurogane had never held any delusions about Fay’s feelings for him, even when he had done that stupid thing that had gotten them in this situation in the first place. Which made every thing so much worse because he could not understand why Kurogane had done the things he had done if he really believed Fay no longer cared about him. Then again, he did not even fully understand his own motivation for allowing Kurogane to hold him so much now that the ninja could no longer see him.

A few days after that, Fay was forced to take a little more blood from Kurogane, but it was less painful because Kurogane was still getting stronger even though Fay had eaten. Tomoyo had taken to making both of them new yukata, and Kurogane’s came with matching headbands to currently cover the bandages and later to cover Kurogane’s sightless eyes. Syaoran and Mokona came to visit them twice during that time. Syaoran had tried to remain optimistic, and Mokona tried to snuggle against Kurogane’s chest. They had been in Nihon for three and a half weeks, and Fay allowed himself to still be held frequently because for some reason, Kurogane still acted like he needed it.

Fay was sitting up next to Kurogane, recounting a tale of how when he was little he had somehow climbed to the roof of the palace and got stuck up there while Ashura had been away and the palace staff had been in a panic trying to get him down. The conversation was the first time that they had been so casual with each other for a very long time, even though Kurogane had the cloth around his eyes and his hand was cupping the side of Fay’s face, fingers playing with his hair and thumb caressing his check. Normally, Kurogane gave the appearance of being attentive, but at the end of his story, he could tell the ninja was focused on something else. It was troublesome because he did not know how he could handle it if Kurogane was getting worse. “Kuro-sama, are you feeling okay?”

“I want to make love to you.”

“Kuro-sama,” because he could not bring himself to use something more playful, “don’t be silly. You can’t even sit up.”

Fay could only watch as keeping the one hand tangled in the blonde’s hair, Kurogane used his other arm to help push himself to a sitting position. Tomoyo was not going to be happy if she found out that he had allowed Kurogane to sit up, but he did not know to respond as Kurogane, using his hand for guidance, leaned forward to place lightly kiss Fay on the upper left corner of his mouth. Kurogane must have realized his aim had been off and shifted his mouth so that it was fully covering Fay’s. The ninja’s other hand fumbled towards his waist to rest lightly against the cloth.

Kurogane pulled away from him after a moment and rested his head on his shoulder, panting lightly. He felt Kurogane’s other hand dropping from his hair to his thigh. Waiting for the panting to subside, Fay stayed perfectly still as the ninja rested against his shoulder. “Why… Why can’t I…”

“Kuro-sama, you still haven’t fully recovered yet.” He was secretly hoping that meant Kurogane was going to be giving up the idea of having sex for at least a few more days. At least long enough for him to think about the situation more and decide how he really felt about it. “You have to give your body time to heal,” he explained as he guided the ninja down onto his back. He wasn’t sure how he felt abut Kurogane having sex with him; he was afraid it would only further confuse his feelings for the other man. “You only could sit up for the first time today.” Even though he had just denied Kurogane the sex he craved, Fay was pulled down into the ninja’s arms and pressed firmly against his chest.

“I don’t want you to ever try to leave me again.” One of Kurogane’s hands had gone back to his hair and the fingers were trailing through it lightly.

“I know, Kuro-sama.” He wrapped his arms around the ninja’s torso. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Kurogane did not say anything about his slip, but somehow the large hand felt more comforting on the small of his back. He could not help but question his own implication that he was going to be willing to offer himself to Kurogane’s pleasure. He couldn’t think clearly about the situation when he had yet to leave the ninja’s side.

He was just going to have to wait until Kurogane felt ready again before making his decision. He couldn’t bear to think about it again until then.

Kurogane’s health made generous improvements over the next few days, and Fay occasionally wondered if Kurogane was forcing himself to get better simply for the sex. The ninja was sitting up more frequently every day and had started taking the bandages off his eyes; most of the time he would still be wearing the blindfolds Tomoyo had made for him, but on the rare occasion he had no coverings on his eyes at all. It was one of those days that Syaoran came to visit them with Kurogane’s uncovered head in Fay’s lap as he still required constant physical contact from the mage. Kurogane had been talking to him about his early childhood in Nihon, but fell silent when Syaoran stepped into the room.

“I just wanted to see how Kurogane-san was doing,” the boy said after stopping over five feet away from the two of them. He seemed uncomfortable with the idea of getting any closer. “Sakura-hime needs our help, and we can’t afford to stay for much longer.”

“Don’t worry. Kurogane is getting better every day.” Syaoran nodded and hesitated for a moment longer before departing from the room. Kurogane shifted his position as soon as the door shut behind the boy.

“It’s my fault he was so nervous, wasn’t it?” Kurogane asked. Fay didn’t know what to say to the ninja, so he ran one hand comfortingly through the man’s hair. “Was it because of my eyes?” He could not answer that question for Syaoran, but the possibility had crossed his mind. The boy had refused to look at Kurogane the entire time he had been talking to the two of them. “Where the hell are those blindfolds Tomoyo keeps making?” Kurogane growled as his hand fumbled along the ground for the cloth he had refused to put on that morning.

Fay picked one of them up and wrapped it tenderly around the ninja’s eyes. “Your eyes don’t bother me,” he told the ninja as he resumed running his hand through the ninja’s hair. “You still look handsome to me.” Too late he realized what he had said, but he could not take it back because that could only have a negative impact on Kurogane.

“Really?” Kurogane stretched his arms above his head and wrapped them around Fay’s waist, cupping his hands around the opposite hip.

“Really,” Fay reassured him, continuing to gently stroke the man’s spiky hair.

Fay didn’t know how long they sat like that, but Kurogane was showing no inclinations of moving, and Fay thought the ninja might have fallen asleep. He was so still and looked so peaceful. The healers had been cutting back on the medicine because of the improvements his health had been making, so he could just barely perceive the musky smell of Kurogane’s natural scent that he had gotten so used to when the ninja had been holding him close at nights in Yama to keep the other soldiers from preying on him. Kurogane really had been looking out for him the entire time, and it was because of that that he had gotten so grievously injured. His fingertips gently stroked the side of his face as he leaned down, the scent overpowering the herbs entirely as he got closer. Kurogane stirred as Fay kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I’ll talk to Tomoyo tomorrow… about that thing you asked me about the other day.” Luckily Kurogane seemed to know exactly what he was talking about because his hand trailed lower on Fay’s back. “That means I’ll have to leave your side for a bit because I don’t want you to hear that conversation, but I promise I’ll be back.”

Kurogane agreed and then shifted their positions so that Fay was stretched out on the ground next to him for sleep, holding the blond as close as he had in Yama.

~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~

Kurogane seemed reluctant to have him leave, large hands lingering on his body, but Fay did manage to get away, explaining to the ninja that he might be gone awhile because he would have to find the princess in order to talk to her. He didn’t go in search of the princess; he went straight back to the spot where he had waited for Kurogane to wake up the first time, only this time there was no rain and he stood with his arms wrapped around himself.

Eventually, he heard someone approaching and turned around just in time to see Tomoyo with her hand on the door. “Tomoyo-hime!” he called before she went inside and alerted Kurogane to the fact that he had not gone in search of the princess.

“Fay-san, did Kurogane ask you to leave?” She seemed concerned as she stepped away from the door and towards him.

“No. He thinks I’ve gone to talk to you,” he admitted.

“Well then, I suppose I should talk to you first.” He was lucky Tomoyo was so understanding about the situation. She had never even blamed him for Kurogane’s injuries even when he blamed himself. She waited patiently for him to explain what he was supposed to be talking to her about.

“Kurogane wants to have sex.”

He was glad Tomoyo did not visibly react. “I don’t see why he can’t. Sex is very life-affirming, and it could be highly beneficial to him.” He looked to the ground. “But the problem lies not with his physical capabilities, but within yourself.” She had always been wise; he had known that was why she had sent Kurogane on his journey in the first place.

“Its my fault he was injured.”

“Fay-san, Kurogane loves you, and he will never blame you for what happened.” Somehow knowing the truth of the princess’ words made the situation worse for him. “And you obviously care about him very much in return or else you would not be agonizing about letting him back into your heart for fear he will one day blame you for his misfortune and leave him.”

“Tomoyo-hime…”

“I’m going to talk to Kurogane now and inform him that he is perfectly healthy for some basic sex as long as he does not do anything to overwork himself.” She swept inside the building before Fay could respond to her.

He wondered what Sakura would have told him to do in this situation as he turned to watch a pair of birds fly by overhead. She would have told him to do whatever was best for him. Maybe Tomoyo was right. Maybe his agonizing over whether or not he did having feelings for Kurogane was indicative of feelings for the ninja that he was trying to repress. And now that Tomoyo had personally given the ninja permission for sex, Fay would have to tell him about his anxieties if he was going to refuse him. Kurogane did not need to hear that in his current condition.

Tomoyo smiled at him when she stepped back outside. “He asked when you were coming back. I think he worries when he does not know where you are.”

“I’ll go back in now.” He knew he would not have to deal with the sex question until darkness fell as during the day Kurogane tended to have an endless stream of healers, visitors, and entertainers. A woman was in there singing when he reentered and sat down next to Kurogane. The ninja’s hand automatically covered his. He would just have to make it through the rest of the day. Whatever was best for Kurogane was best for him, even if it meant having sex with Kurogane when he was still not entirely sure about his own feelings.

Eventually, the last healer left, and Fay knew was the door closed behind her that he and Kurogane were going to be alone together for the rest of the evening. The ninja was sitting up beside him, large hand still securely placed over his. As soon as the last woman was gone, Kurogane’s thumb had started rubbing gently over his palm. At least the ninja was waiting for him and not pushing him.

“Kuro-sama…” He licked his lips and tried again. “Kuro-sama, if you want to…” He couldn’t seem to bring himself to finish, but he figured Kurogane would be able to understand what he was implying.

“If you really want to, then kiss me.”

Damn, he didn’t want to be the one to take initiative this time. He felt it would have been much easier if he could just let Kurogane do things to him because that would not be indicative of any feelings he might have for the ninja in return. Kurogane knew that so he could the only way he could to make sure Fay was completely ready and actually wanted it. “Alright.” He took a deep breath and leaned over to kiss the ninja.

“Are you sure?” Kurogane asked him as he pulled away.

“I’m sure.” Kurogane’s hands slowly rose to cup his face as he leaned over to kiss him again. “I just need a little help.”

“Is it help I can give?” Kurogane asked in between kisses that the was giving to Fay.

“Yes.” Fay grabbed both of Kurogane’s hands and placed them on the knot in his belt. Kurogane’s hands wasted no time in confidently pushing open Fay’s rove and lowering him to his back on the futon. “Kuro-sama,” Fay gasped as Kurogane tentatively moved to kissing his neck.

Maybe things would have been different if he would have just allowed Kurogane to love him in the first place. But there was no reason for him to think of that while Kurogane’s mouth was traveling slowly down his chest. The ninja’s lips were surprisingly light compared to the heavy way he did everything else, ghosting over his skin in a determined manner. He placed his hand in the ninja’s hair to help guide him lower.

He whimpered when Kurogane’s mouth closed over his semi-erect cock. He kept his one hand tangled in the ninja’s hair as his mouth moved slowly over him, and his other hand buried in the fabric of his won robe. “Kuro-sama,” he panted as he began to squirm under the ninja’s mouth and hands.

It wasn’t long before Kurogane was slowly crawling back over him. “I can’t wait any longer. I want you,” Kurogane panted from above him.

“Alright.” He stayed perfectly still underneath the ninja, waiting for him to continue.

“I need you to help me.” He had no been prepared for that. He was so used to Kurogane being so confident about everything. Taking a steadying breath, Fay picked up Kurogane’s right hand and slid two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking on them gently. He had expected Kurogane to just do things on his own even if it meant missing a few times. After giving Kurogane’s palm a brief kiss, he guided the man’s hand between his thighs. Once he got the ninja’s fingers started, Kurogane took over. While he was busy stretching him, Kurogane slowly lowered himself down to give him a few quick kisses on his face.

“I think Tomoyo-hime left some oil somewhere in here,” Kurogane whispered against his neck as he removed his hand.

He had wondered about the small jar that had been added to the room after Tomoyo left. “I see it,” he told Kurogane as he reached over for it. The ninja gently nuzzled the side of his neck as with shaking hands he undid Kurogane’s robe, bracing himself for the scars that now covered his entire body. As he rubbed the oil over Kurogane’s cock, he listened to the ninja’s small noises of pleasure and realized how much he had missed those sounds.

“Guide me,” Kurogane whispered in his ear as Fay bent his knees and allowed the ninja in between his thighs. Keeping one hand on Kurogane, Fay guided him to his entrance. He gasped as Kurogane slid inside, and wrapped his arms around the ninja under his robe.

Kurogane grunted in his ear as he started to move, causing Fay to moan softly. “It feels good, Kuro-sama,” he told the ninja since he would only have his sounds to go by. It really did feel good to allow Kurogane to love him so deeply. Kurogane was gently nuzzling the side of his face as he continued to move. The ninja was heavy, but his weight was comforting. He hated to think how close Kurogane had been to never being able to express his love in that way to anyone ever again.

Kurogane stopped. “You’re crying.” He hadn’t even realized that was why his face was getting wet. “Am I hurting you?”

He could not believe Kurogane was taking a moment to be concerned about him after all that had happened. “I’m just really happy.” As Kurogane started to move again, wrapping his hand around Fay’s arousal and stroking in time with his thrusts, he kissed the tear trail on Fay’s cheek. “Unh… Kuro-sama…” It was slow and sweet and everything Kurogane could think of to give Fay as much pleasure as possible.

And it was over too soon with Kurogane coming inside of him then collapsing on top of him right before he reached his own orgasm. He cradled the exhausted ninja’s head against his chest, and kissed the top of his head lightly. As Kurogane panted lightly against his chest, he tenderly kissed the man on his forehead. “I promise I’m going to take good care of you, Kuro-sama,” he whispered even though he could tell the ninja was drifting off to sleep.

There was still the issue of the eye that did not belong to the cloned Syaoran, and they would have to leave to meet him soon.



 
 
 
Ally.C: Tsubasa KuroFai Standinggacktyougirl on May 26th, 2007 03:16 am (UTC)
WOnderful! Poor Kurogane and poor Fay... Breaks my heart. But it was also so sweet. You did a great job. I loved it.
Elenath: Dreamselenatha on May 26th, 2007 04:20 am (UTC)
You did a wonderful job with this. It was not vulgar or smutty... it was actually beautiful and pure. Kurogane is such a sweet guy, really. I love him ; n ; Fai will take good care of him, I'm sure, and soon he'll learn how to forgive himself and let himself be loved by Kurogane.

Lexi also did an amazing job with her fanart, and it only broke my heart and added to the scenery and mood of the fanfic. Good job, the both of you <3
geek_tasticgeek_tastic on May 26th, 2007 05:42 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this. It was so sad, but hopeful. Is that last bit leaving it open to a second installment??
ユウイ: Kurogane/Faisnowaltz on May 26th, 2007 05:46 am (UTC)
This makes me want to cry, in a very good way, I assure you. Very emotional and touching and I really love reading it.

*toasts you with lemon tea*
youkohiei_fan: gaspyoukohiei_fan on May 26th, 2007 05:54 am (UTC)
Wow, really sweet and touching. Very deep, Kurogane has fallen so deeply in love with Fai its bittersweet, as well as Fai's reluctance to accept and return those feelings.
♪ Saranade -- BoomBoom! ♫: TRC: Angel Kuroganebriteskies on May 26th, 2007 07:13 am (UTC)
Oh wow. That was fantastic! Very sweet and very believable. Excellent excellent job. You never cease to amaze me.
shadow_pipershadow_piper on May 26th, 2007 07:49 am (UTC)
Man...way to make my heart throb. There's something really...moving (excuse this adjective; I can't think of a word that properly describes the way I felt) about someone as capable as Kurogane asking Fai to guide him. Saying that your fic was excellent would be an understatement :3
Lexi: KuroFai - Where I belong - DVDboxlexi_nyanko on May 26th, 2007 09:42 am (UTC)
You know what's funny? While sketching the picture I never had an exact scene in mind. I just wanted Kuro lying in Fai's lap. But the way their gestures turned out, it does look almost like one of the first scenes. xD; except Fai is not soaking wet and Kuro doesn't have bandages around his eyes.

It was so much fun to draw for this fic (the fact that I got done so fast only proves it)! Like I said before: this became one of my favorite fics from you. ;___; So emotional and heartbreaking...the way Fai is punishing himself by not letting to be loved. And Kurogane's helplessness...he's such a pride man, yet he trusts Fai this much speaks to me of true, deep love. *sounds of heart breaking all over again*

Tell me when you write another fic for which I can draw! I'd love to again!! :3 *hughug*
dizzyizzy191 on May 26th, 2007 11:32 am (UTC)
Wow, you're writing at a great old rate, aren't you?
I really liked this fic (along with your other 3 dozen admirers..)
'And now that Tomoyo had personally given the ninja permission for sex...'Hahaha! If only everyone was as unembarrassed (spelling much?) about everything as Tomoyo.

It'd be awesome if there was another fic along this line of AU-ness (well whether or not it is AU we will soon find out >D)
Robin  ☂  tell me a tall tale, go, shout it out: {TRC} Blamebuddha_loves_me on May 26th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
This is by far one of my favorite stories from you. It was so beautiful and so elegant. It was so heartbreaking and so beautiful. You did such an amazing job with this story. I love it to oblivion.

Good job! ♥ ♥ ♥
Wren: KuroFay-don't gofengtianshi on May 27th, 2007 02:57 am (UTC)
That's heartbreaking and even so, deeply sweet! A very amazing fic, love it! <3
herm_nefer: beautyherm_nefer on May 27th, 2007 05:16 am (UTC)
*tear* It's so sad and sweet and *tear* I liked this a lot. It's lovely.

CLAMP screws with them so much, they need to make the peeps happier. They are such sweet peeps. *sigh* But I enjoy the angst both you and CLAMP creats so *sigh* I look forward to more of your work.
Jaina: Beaming Fai!jaina_torsec on May 28th, 2007 06:14 am (UTC)
This was such a lovely fic :D

I really liked the way both Fay and Kuro were portrayed. Kuro was so sweet and tender (and hurt XD), and Fay was so uncertain :P
Loved it <3
ariadnechan: kuro y fayariadnechan on May 28th, 2007 08:26 pm (UTC)
i really want to cry right now i can't reead you in the weekend because i want to be alone an take my time!!!
i love it it was really beatiful, but poor Kuro blind, Fay seams to want to recover his eye for Kuro??? i hope so
i'm still crying i love your stories!!!
Sarahsarahxchan on July 15th, 2007 05:40 am (UTC)
That was so beautiful and sweet and so sad. <///3 Thanks for the beautiful fic. :D
Sessho: cielthier_sess on August 5th, 2007 09:45 am (UTC)
It's so bitter-sweet. Kurogane is so helpless now... And Fay is still afraid of letting anyone get involved with him.

I'd say more, but I can't just find the words, that would fit to describe what you wrote and my impressions. It's just amazing. *__*
mauxxivmauxxiv on October 5th, 2008 09:13 pm (UTC)
Aww this was really beautiful! ;_; I loved it! so bitter sweet